The Hostile Takeover of 2010

My blog last looked back at 2009. Now, let me show you what Billionaires, and the government we own, plan to do in 2010.

The War on Economic Terror. While we’ve been outsourcing jobs to the children overseas, American workers have been terrorizing patriotic companies through union organizing, increasing the minimum wage, and legislating for health coverage. Their demands threaten the Constitution's guarantee of free-markets! They threaten private property! This amounts to nothing less than treason in this time of war. The Department of Homeland Security will be expanded to arrest, imprison or detain not just illegal immigrants, but also these economic combatants.

Expand the prison-industrial labor force. Prisoners are the ideal workforce. They cannot demand raises or benefits, organize labor unions, or leave to find a better job. And they often cost less than $3 a day. We would grow this invaluable pool of labor by sending economic combatants to prison.

Privatize War. Costs for war in Afghanistan, Iraq and other Global War on Terror operations neared $1 Trillion through 2009. We Billionaires want an even bigger piece of that. Maybe the whole thing.

Xe, the corporation formally known as Blackwater, is a private military company providing mercenaries to fight messy little wars so you don’t have to. (However, if you are willing to kill for a high paying job that doesn’t require a college degree, Xe is for you.) Halliburton provides the army with bases, supplies, food, vehicles, weaponry and other services. Both companies enable you to avoid many annoying military and political details.

Our next wars should be entirely privatized. Xe (Blackwater) can invade Iran. Halliburton can take on Pakistan. Burger King can be absolute monarch of North Korea. If the companies cannot recruit enough people to pull off an invasion, we can provide economic combatants from the prison-industrial labor force.

Introduce Efficiency Tracking for Public Schools. Public Education has always been an oxymoron. We must recognize that most children will end up in service jobs. Billionaires would help the government develop an early tracking program to weed out these Potential Low Earning Bush-league Employees (PLEBEs) at the age of 5 to save them the trouble and us the cost of formal education, and perhaps put them to immediate use in the prison-industrial labor force.

Move the Environmental Protection Agency inside Chamber of Commerce. The environment is the last economic frontier. We are the explorers. Some say that we all share the environment. That’s socialist talk. Only business can properly spot and exploit environmental opportunities. The Chamber is the right place for the EPA. Just remember – global warming means better tans.

Perhaps some people may not like our agenda. I say to them: buy your own government!