The True Meaning of Christmas

As the massively profitable holiday of Christmas has just passed, I thought I’d focus a blog entry on it.

On Christmas, CNN posted the John Baker article, “Passions over 'prosperity gospel': Was Jesus wealthy?” To me, the answer is obvious. However, Baker points out that many people shockingly believe Jesus had been poor. Baker's article reminds us that three wise men presented Jesus with gold, frankincense and myrrh at his birth. GOLD, people! Jesus was rich! And surely these wise men passed on good investment tips. Jesus was set for life! What a nest egg! And frankincense and myrrh were perfumes meant for kings. They were rare. Still are. They come from trees in the Middle East, trees which we are bombing into scarcity.

Detractors point to Jesus saying “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” This is an obvious mistranslation. Jesus really said, “Remember, it is easier to park your camel at the ‘Eye of the Needle’ before entering the Kingdom of God.” Jesus was talking to his friend Hiram Cheep of Goldgotha, suggesting he use the “Eye of the Needle” valet service for his camel before going to the “Kingdom of God”, the hottest Country Club in Roman Palestine. Jesus knew how to party!

Jesus was rich. The CNN article goes on to mention that Jesus’ parents rode a donkey into Bethlehem. A donkey was the B.C. Cadillac. Poor people walked. Or ate the donkey.

When he got older, he had no job, hung out with prostitutes and had 12 guys leeching off of him. This guy was living off his nest egg!

Christmas is for the rich. It keeps the Pope in jewels, priests in free lodging, and TV Evangelists in hair care products.

Approximately $468 billion in sales were generated for the holiday. Who gets the profits? The rich. Then there is all the Christmas stress and depression. How do you fix that? Meds. How many of you own Pharmaceutical stocks? Well, we rich do. We’re taking your long, dark tunnel to a profit windfall. Hear complaints about gross materialism spoiling Christmas? Not from us rich. We find our profits quite tasteful.

Some of you feel Santa is the reason for the season. Let me be your wake up call. Santa is rich. He has a big toy operation. Can a poor man afford this? What a machine! Elves working all year for what? Food, lodging, and pixie dust. This is better than the days before child labor laws.

And don’t think Santa works for free. Look at the ad revenue. The red porker is on Coke cans, McDonald’s cups, cookie packages and on and on. He has TV and movie rights. Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Tim Allen… Santa’s got a piece of them all. The guy’s a Billionaire!

Jesus and Santa. Between the two of them, they have a hell of a racket.

So keep with the spirit of Christmas. Do your after Christmas shopping. Keep spending. Keep buying. Get in debt. Do it for the rich. Do it for Jesus.

Welcome to The Highest Circle

Welcome to The Highest Circle. I am Harris Tocracy, Billionaire. I have been a member of such illustrious groups as “Billionaires for Bush”, “Billionaires for ‘Bama”, and “Billionaires for Wealthcare.

I am recording my wisdom for posterity. Now, anyone can benefit by my astute intelligence, not just my peers. I used to think that unless you’re a Billionaire, the hell with you. However, my assistant has assured me that the world will mark my presence more deeply if I am on the internet. While he generally has his lips attached to my posterior, in this case the sycophant may have a point. If nothing else, the masses can learn their place, feel better when they are induced to obey, and whine a whole lot less. Hence, this blog.

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